What is it like living with depression? (The Black Dog)

Depression is not a sign of weakness. It means you have been strong for far too long.

I have been struggling with depression for over 3 years. It has been tough, I can’t lie but I’m still here. That’s a good thing.

Depression to me feels like a black cloud. Continuously following me around..In Harry Potter terms, a dementor sucking out your soul.

THERAPIST- What is your mood like today?

ME- 4/10

THERAPIST- Any reason?

ME- Erm..No..I don’t know

 

My Depression 

Depression just creeps up on you.

At the start it feels like a constant headache.

You start to tell yourself it is just another shit day…it will pass…in reality, it wont.

It lasts days, weeks, months and then you realise it has been years since you have ever felt a real sense of security or happiness.

You begin to put on a mask each day.

Fake smiles…fake laughs…

“No, I’m fine”

“I’m good, you?”

You get so used to lying to the world about your emotions.

You feel that you have to get on with day-to-day life as that’s ‘normal’ that’s ‘what others do’ but the problem doesn’t seem to go away as much as you try.

It starts to become harder to put on a happy face and put on a play.

You slowly begin to back away. You stop meeting friends, answering phone calls, going to events, seeing your family.

You completely shut everything out.

Little, simple tasks become a struggle.

All satisfaction is gone.

You lack motivation to do anything. But you try your hardest to find something…anything that brings you joy.

You start to feel and believe you will never be happy again.

You start to feel ashamed of everything you have done and everything you haven’t.

Don’t get me wrong, there is always a short burst of positivity that comes and goes that makes you want to get up and go. But that tends to be very short-lived.

You finally realise that there are two things that can happen:

  1. Get Help
  2. Get so deep in the depression you will try to commit suicide.

 

Sometimes it feels like a black hole but sometimes it feels like i need to cry and scream and kick and shout. Sometimes i go quiet and lock myself in my room and sometimes i have to be doing something at all times of the day to distract myself.

In some cases, there is a trigger for depression. For me, it may have been the stress of moving schools, unstable relationships and family disputes.

However, it could be anything such as:

  • Life changing events
  • Bereavement
  • Loss of job
  • Assault
  • Financial difficulty

Individuals who come from a family who have a history of depression are more likely to be struggling with themselves.

The Statistics 

  • Depression is the predominant mental health problem worldwide, followed by anxiety, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
  • Approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year. In England, 1 in 6 people report experiencing a common mental health problem (such as anxiety and depression in any given week)
  • Depression is fairly common, affecting about 1 in 10 people at some point during their life. It affects men and women, young and old.
  • Studies have shown that about 4% of children aged 5-16 in the UK are anxious or depressed.

Please remember recovery is possible. It may take a while but it is always possible.

Love yourself x

Do not suffer in silence. If you are suffering or know someone who is suffering with an eating disorder, depression, self harm etc. Please get help.

BEAT

Helpline 0808 801 0677

Youthline 0808 801 0711

ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA CARE  

http://www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk/

03000 11 12 13

MIND INFOLINE  

0300 123 3393

SAMARITANS

http://www.samaritans.org

116 123

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