So a few of you already know that I was admitted into hospital twice during the month of June.
On the 6th June I took an overdose. My depression and psychosis got really bad. I was hearing voices and seeing things that weren’t there. I wanted to die. The next day I woke up in a lot of pain. I felt extremely nauseous and to be honest I was fucking pissed that it didn’t work. I had an appointment with my doctor at 10:40 so I thought I might as well just carry on like it never happened. My doctor knew something was wrong as soon as I walked in the door. Apparently I was extremely pale, shaky, agitated and my heart rate was very high. I also had to run to the toilet twice during my appointment to vomit. Eventually I told her what I did and she called an ambulance and told me I would probably have to talk to the psychiatric team in order to make arrangements for when I come home.
When I got to the hospital and after sitting in uncomfortable chairs for over 5 hours, I was finally moved to a ward to begin treatment. I was on a NAC drip which consisted of 4 bags of medication. First bag lasted 4 hours, the two after lasted 8 hours each and the last was another 4 hour bag. So I was in the hospital for 3 days.
The psychiatric team came and spoke to me every day. At first they did not want me to go to a psychiatric hospital because they didn’t feel as if it was appropriate. Instead I would be seen daily by the ‘Crisis Assessment and Treatment Team’ also known as the CAT Team. However, after a few arguments between the team and my dad and sister. It was confirmed that I would be transferred to the psychiatric hospital for a day or two.
During my time in hospital, there was 2 ladies, I believe they had dementia. Did not stop screaming. One lady did not stop asking for her bed to be put lower as she ‘couldn’t sleep up there’ and kept saying ‘init’ and one lady was asking for ‘water to clear herself from her sins’..this was still at the hospital where I was being treated for the overall overdose…this may come across as judgmental and rude (apologies but I have to say it!) but I thought I was at the psychiatric hospital already. I was terrified.
After my treatment on NAC the transporters came at around 2am on the 9th to take me to the psych ward. I was so scared. I quickly messaged by Dad to tell him what hospital they were taking me to, packed my stuff and off I went.
Considering it was early hours of the morning..it was dark..first impression of the place was fucking horrible. I was shaking. I was nervous. I was terrified.
So, I got to the hospital at around 2:30/3:00am. I was then escorted to the ward I would be staying in called Swift Ward. The walk to the ward seemed like it was hours. All these security doors and the constant swiping of cards just made it worse. We finally got to Swift Ward and I heard screaming and crying “I killed Mummy! I killed Mummy!” I did not say anything. I looked to the nurses who smiled at me and walked to a table and sat down and played candy crush with shaking hands. At 3am. I was SO scared.
When you go into the ward, all of your belongings get taken from you until they are searched and written down. All belongings such as razors, tweezers, make-up with mirrors, glass, ear phones, belts etc. get taken away and put in a box and locked in a cupboard. In order to get items from your box you ask one of the nurses and you are either supervised whilst using them or you are told to bring them back after use. My charger, make up, earphones and razors were taken away from me. Due to my history of self-harm I was told I would have to be supervised whilst using these items and would have to leave my phone in the office to get charged when necessary.
Whilst waiting for my room card and number. I was greeted by one of the patients who couldn’t sleep. She was in the hospital for similar reasons and she was lovely. Even though I was in the hospital for only two days she helped me a lot. I also got to talk to the girl who was telling everyone she killed her mum. Surprisingly, we ended up friends.
After searching through my bags, checking my weight, blood pressure, temperature and taking bloods..finally at around 4:30am I was escorted to my room and finally I was able to sleep.
When you are in the psych ward the nurses do checks every 30 minutes to make sure everyone is in their rooms or where specifically you are at these times. So you kind of get used to people peering through your door window and saying ‘hello’ to you early hours of the morning.
At 8am you have staff change over where different members of staff take over and start their shifts and so you get greeted each morning around this time by the staff. Even if you are sleeping.
At around 9am I was told I would be having my assessment with the doctor. I was SO tired! I was pretty moody too. The assessment consisted of a nurse, the doctor, a psychiatrist, student nurse and someone from the CAT Team. They just ask normal questions such as:
- Have you had any suicidal thoughts since being here?
- How are you feeling today?
- How is your mood?
- Tell me what has been going on?
After the assessment you are allowed to just do whatever you want and just chill. I was in and out of the quite room, my own room and the lounge area for the majority of my stay, talking to other patients, the nurses or reading.
Visiting times were 2-5 and 7-9. Each visitor had to sign in.
I was allowed out on the grounds so each visit I would be allowed to go out with my family and sit in the cafeteria or just chill on the grass outside. However, for me, it was such a long process to be signed out. The nurse had to write down specifically what I was wearing, what colour was it, who I was with, where I was going and what time I would be back. I know the nurses had to do that as it was for overall safety and protection and I respect that but boy..the process was just stressful and long.
The nurses were so lovely and I had so much respect for them as some of the patients could get very agitated. The patients were also very nice and we just got along with each other and got on with it i suppose.
The nights were horrible because I suffer from insomnia anyway and the beds were so uncomfortable. So I barely got any sleep and just ended up reading the whole night or going in the lounge to watch some TV. The first time I was not given sleeping tablets.
The overall signal was horrible. All of us were continuously asking to use the telephones in the office or searching for signal in the garden area.
Food wise.. I cant tell you.. I didn’t really eat any of their food to be honest. My family brought in snacks and sandwiches to have. But the the bags had to be checked on arrival and all plastic bags would be confiscated.
The worst thing I can think of about the place was the showers. We weren’t allowed to have baths as we might harm ourselves and we wasn’t allowed shower curtains. A shower without a shower curtain = disaster!
I was discharged the following day at around 5:30 to an acute day treatment unit and the CAT Team the following day.
When you go to the psychiatric hospital, you do meet some really nice people and you do talk openly with eachother about why you are there and whats happened in your life. You sort of just counsel eachother throughout the day.
So I said my goodbyes to everyone who replied “good bye..dont come back..I would like to of met you in better circumstances..” aha… who would of thought I would be returning in less than a week..
You will have to wait for my other post on my second admission 🙂
P.S In case you were wondering, the girl didn’t kill her Mum..
Keep Safe, Stay Happy, God Bless X